I went to bed discouraged, hurt, upset. I’ll spare you the details of why, which is best since it’s not important and I’ll soon forget. Although it was late, I was looking forward to waking up before the rest of the house, to take a walk and have it out with God.
The alarm went off and it was still dark. But off I went down our road, yelling at God.
Turn on a busy road, and I notice how much busier it is at 6am during the week than on the weekend. I felt thankful I was out in the fresh air and not on my way to work. But I quickly shoved that thankfulness away and went back to yelling.
Then I came up on our town cemetery and saw this…
…and was quickly reminded at how awesome God is. Awe-some. And then a song from our last church service popped into my head. “Our God is bigger, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.”
God was so much bigger than my little problems. If he can make the sky look like this, if he can raise the sun every morning, He can heal my heart.
But the anger and hurt wasn’t fully gone. I kept walking. I switched from yelling to pouring out my heart. Then He told me “it’s not about you, it’s about me”. My prayer has been that God will use me to reach others, to help others. It’s why I started this blog. But I needed that reminder that’s it’s not about me. It’s about Him.
And then I turned a corner, literally and figuratively. And saw this…
Down a long, broken road, there was God. I was walking through my day, looking down at my feet and the cracks below them. So focused on the little things, the things that weren’t going the way I wanted them to. But the whole time I needed to lift my eyes and see this majesty.
From that moment of the walk, my heart was filled with gratitude.
I came back by the cemetery I passed an hour prior, and all was clear. And crisp. No more darkness.
And I felt peace.
The last mile home, my life verse came to mind. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)